Singapore tales : Dispelling myths, or How easy it is to model the title of an article after popular cinema

"Spotless roads"

Fib, fib, fib. If anything, these people are just as untidy as we are! In fact, when I hear people rhapsodise on the cleanliness that marks public places in Singapore(or other glamorous tourist destinations, for that matter), combined with imprecations hurled at foreigners for their generally opulent lifestyles, I find it hard to believe that such instances of modern decadence could co-exist with social responsibility. I mean, where is the inevitable crack in the veneer?

It appears it is time to lift the wool off our eyes. The roads are good, hard, straight, level.... but what is that on the sidewalks? Why, the refuse of a generation bred on fast-eats and polythene. In fact, I can see why we return to India under the above quoted delusion. The roads are just too well-maintained, wide, spacious, lined with lush vegetation -- that is something I really appreciate...concrete jungle notwithstanding, empty spaces are promptly pounced upon and grass/bushes/trees soon occupy pride of place, even on large avenues --... no wonder all the trash is barely visible. Ok, the overflowing bins and trash heaps, populated by bipeds, tripeds and quadrupeds alike, are not to be seen. So they have a good disposal system. Up theirs!

And the rumours that hefty fines are imposed on public offenders in this regard, are just those...rumours. Of course, administrative buildings, monuments etc do enforce strict laws...

And the fines! Smoking on elevators carries a penalty of $1000, and within buildings(obviously air-conditioned) or stations...$5000. So, thankfully, the perennial cloud of smoke is not a pemanent fixture at public congregations. Of course, the downside is that to sneak a smoke, people ensconce themselves in toilets, for instance, so that these are thick with the noxious fumes.

"People speak excellent English"

Have I disembarked at the wrong nation, perhaps? Tourist guides proclaim that English is virtually the national language, but I see little evidence of that on display. What with the harsh and 'angular' accents, attributable to the jagged Mandarin tongue, presumably, and the weird intonations, again Mandarin, perhaps, one is frequently at a loss in simple conversations, and the latter quality means half the syllables make their way into the anterior of the speaker's system, rather than without. Hence, imagine having every other word absent, and the remaining accentuated to resemble the undulations of a Scottish landscape.... tough indeed.

Not to sound unbearably haughty, but I find Indians light years better, in this respect. Gone are the unplaceable accents(mostly), and most of the missing prepositions are reinstated too, though perhaps not in their rightful places, but then you can't have everything. Then again, this is just my opinion.

"People are courteous and helpful"

Maybe I'll agree with that by and by, when the claim is modified to read:
"People are courteous and helpful... at the sight of the $ sign".
Now, this is not very unreasonable, but as a tourist hotspot, and a nation that is super-efficient at marketing its few attractions, I would have hoped for more smiles and fewer dour glances. Anyway, taking into account the deafness quotient prevalent among people, and the language barriers, maybe it isn't all that surprising. Also, I learnt that most of those into public services(taxi drivers, shopkeepers) are financially strained as well. Don't blame them. With higher buying power come higher rates as well. But I did notice that even a car mechanic, and the institute plumbers cleaning a clogged drain are very decently dressed. Now is that to imply that we, as a people, are indifferent to our appearances, and consequently, shoddlily attired? Perhaps.

There are exceptions to the courteousness observation. For instance, a very nice old lady at the airport was so helpful as to chart out my entire journey to the institute, reel off a list of places to see and things to do, advise me on the cheapest way to travel around, and flash a warm smile in the end.

"Things are shamefully costly"

That is not true at all. In fact, a round of the supermarket taught me that prices are pretty much comparable to those back home, with minor allowances. For instance, juices and milk tetrapacks are available at 50 cents(~14 rs) which is reasonable. Shampoos are available for SGD 3-3.50(~80-90 Rs), and the usual reputed brands too. Clothes can be purchased at SGD 6-8 for a pair of jeans, which is very reassuring! And to be very honest, a decent meal costs about SGD 1.50-2, which comes to around Rs 40-60. Why, cheap eateries in Chennai work out to about that much too.

The amount of variety on hand is astounding. You could simply stroll around in department stores, ogling at products of myriad shapes, utilities and prices, much as one browses in a book-shop. I have come to enjoy that quite a bit.... :)

Of course, you could splash inordinate quantities of cash around, and not gain much in the way of quality, unlike at home, and maybe those ultra-cheap and impossibly tempting roadside joints scattered all over mana Bharat may not abound here, but I am yet to explore the place fully.

All in all, there have been some delightful discoveries I have made(call them perverse pleasures), such as

• toilets here are not clean enough to eat off, as depicted in movies
• Complexions are not uniformly flawless, clear and radiant. Pimply countenances and melanin-deposits are dime-a-dozen.
• Bus seats do have chewing gum stuck to the seat bottoms
• A dirty rivulet trickles its way through the middle of a busy city centre, right at the entrance to "Little India"
• Having no significant cultural history to trumpet, much ado is made about the daft Merlion, and "heritage spots" like Lord Raffles(a British bloke who signed treaties with Muslim rulers in early 1800s to permit the operations of the East India Company) landing spot, "Chinatown" and of course, "Little India", which might be termed "A Little pinch of India, a dollop of Singapore" for all I care.

and so on...(still discovering)